Wish rape culture dies a sudden death ….and never raises its head ever again!

I couldn’t sleep yesterday after reading  a  heart rendering article by Mitali Saran “Statutory warning: Countries with such low levels of humanity could die”. She talked about humanity dying and our country being very very sick. Feelings of regret overtook me as I had purposefully avoided reading the detailed news on Kathua and Unnao rape cases . The girls were far too young, reasons cited by the accused too frivolous and religious twist was too much to take. I kept tossing and turning the whole night , my mind staring right into my conscience and my country’s conscience …..trying to find reasons  why all is not ok with our society and how diseased we have become as a nation. Growing rape culture is a new low for us Indians …..bringing our country shame like no other.

How can people stand with the rapists who were a part of the government and police force ? What kind of place do such people come from ? …..Where they are maybe taught to think if a girl has a different God than their’s , she can be raped right inside their own place of worship and tortured and murdered…and it doesn’t matter if she is in a diaper, skirt or a burkha.

What makes people rapists  is what I kept wondering the whole night and my understanding once again found our way of parenting guilty to at least some extent. The 60 year old retired government official, the four police officers and the juvenile who gang raped in Kathua ……..am wondering ……come from what kind of homes. Only one thing sticks is that they were surely brought up in homes which didn’t teach them to respect women!

Wish they did? Wish we all can bring up our boys better! Wish all homes treated  their girls and boys alike!

Wish humanity wasn’t  lost in dividing the society on religious lines and political games!

Wish we could stop calling a rape …a Dalit or Hindu or Muslim girl’s rape ….instead talk and shame the men who rape …..by flashing their pictures in the  media instead of the girls who went through hell!

Wish rape culture dies a sudden death ….and never raises its head ever again!

Wish this horrifying word is struck out from all the dictionaries of the world!

Wish we don’t ever have to hang our heads in shame again!

Wish there are no terrible parents around …because they and their badly behaved children are making our country sick ….very very sick!

 

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Step By Step school’s heart is beating for all it’s kids! 

What is happening to India’s Media ? ..TRP’s are what is ruling our world today. Another incorrect reporting,another case sensationalised all for making news stick for the wrong reasons. This time the unfortunate incident at one of the best schools in NCR triggers yet again the insensitivity of the news making machinery which is in pathetic state in our country. May it be the Mumbai terrorist attack, tragic end of a Bollywood icon or an unfortunate case of food poisoning in a school. Our TRP crazy media gets it wrong every time!

Step By Step is a coveted institution and has been standing proud for last ten years doing what it does best …providing quality education and care to it’s children. A school which has been right at the top making children and parents proud of been a part of its legacy. What the school has given my children and thousands other is unshakeable confidence and we stand by the school and the parents whose kids have been been affected with the unfortunate recent case of food poisoning. Many parents like us  are suspecting the incident to have been instigated to tarnish the school’s image ….it seems like foul play. But does the media care?????News reporting isn’t simply stating the incidents anymore, it has become a mechanism of passing judgement and tarnishing the images of people and institutions in its stride. And this time the victim is a school who has not just been supportive always but also has very high standards of safety and security. Pen is surely mightier than the sword … but shouldn’t the pen be used with caution …with a lot of  caution.

We parents are all with you Step By Step!

Count us in for any support that we can give to counter this!

Praying for all the kids who got affected, We are sure Step By Step school’s heart is beating for you all!

Another School Shooting …Our heart misses a beat yet again!

MARCH 25th March for our Lives!

AWESOME POWER OF LOVE

Another school shooting!

17 dead and many other survivors living with horrific memories of seeing their friends being shot down so callously…….over nothing!

Florida school shooting is a reminder of what’s wrong with our world today and how we adults are continuously failing our children …..both the ones who are killing and the others who are being killed. Sadly not all homes and schools are a safe heaven for their kids. Many mental health problems are a little too often,  a by product of unhappy and frustrated lives, not so good parenting and  broken homes.And tragedies like school shootings are somewhat predictable because they are most often coupled with mental health issues and easy access to guns.

There were loads of red flags which were ignored in this case too. Cruz, the Parkland shooter is an orphan who was abusive to his adoptive single mother, was booked before for cruelty towards animals…

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Another School Shooting …Our heart misses a beat yet again!

Another school shooting!

17 dead and many other survivors living with horrific memories of seeing their friends being shot down so callously…….over nothing!

Florida school shooting is a reminder of what’s wrong with our world today and how we adults are continuously failing our children …..both the ones who are killing and the others who are being killed. Sadly not all homes and schools are a safe heaven for their kids. Many mental health problems are a little too often,  a by product of unhappy and frustrated lives, not so good parenting and  broken homes.And tragedies like school shootings are somewhat predictable because they are most often coupled with mental health issues and easy access to guns.

There were loads of red flags which were ignored in this case too. Cruz, the Parkland shooter is an orphan who was abusive to his adoptive single mother, was booked before for cruelty towards animals , has a disturbing social media foot print with posts showing  his pride in calling himself a school shooter, his arrogant poses with guns, visible signs of depression, suspension from school ….signs that were all pointing  towards a young teen ready to explode. And yet no-one intervened when he lost his mother, a widowed mother who didn’t have enough courage to cut a whole in his pocket when he first bought a gun and got it home.  An evil kid he was maybe …. but are these kinds born from a mother’s womb or does the system make them such? Life isn’t kind to them and a country which lets any one especially a not so sane or troubled person be given a license to kill with an automatic gun ….not just one,  but many if so desired.

Something needs to change….someone needs to say” Never Again” and keep saying it till it becomes a collective voice of a nation where School Shootings are becoming a norm!

Things might finally change because unlike a Sandy Hook School shooting where victims were kindergarteners, Parkland school survivors are teens. Teens who are hurting bad,  who know how to use social media to campaign against gun violence and who can muster followers in thousands on twitter when they speak up., who are not afraid…

There is hope because of these teen survivors who have lived better family lives, who have been parented in an environment of abundant love and who won’t let the death of their friends be forgotten. They are leading the chants of “Action now,” with posters proclaiming “Gun violence is domestic terrorism” and “Enough is enough.”and have started with  “March For Our Lives,” a movement for gun control  that urges the politicians to stop taking money from National Rifle Association and to unseat any candidate who does in the upcoming mid-term elections.

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And it might work! It has to work this time because since we adults are not doing our bit to arrest mental health issues,  it’s up to our teens to question and dissuade the politicians to take off the ammunition from the street and decrease its accessibility.

With their innocence, honesty and urgency, it’s these teens  parented with care and lucky to survive the shooting , hopefully will be able to shame adults into discovering their conscience,AND BRING THE CHANGE!

“We are going to be the kids you read about in textbooks, Not because we’re going to be another statistic about mass shooting in America, but because … we are going to be the last mass shooting.”


 

 

Parents ….Keep releasing the steam from the Pressure Cooker! Let it whistle!

Remembering 3 idiots today in wake of my son’s approaching Board Examinations – THE BIG ONES, the biggest ones!

Sitting in my cozy chair, sipping a lovely cup of tea, I can’t help but go back in time….. reminiscing my tenth board examinations( they were the big ones in our times)….Seeing myself as a scared,  ready to give up girl, shivering by the thought of my next paper MATH. Oh my God , all those anxieties, I can still feel fear rushing in my veins like wild fire and almost killing me ….burning me with zillion scary thoughts …..I will probably fail,what if I fail , what if I don’t make it. Don’t get me wrong , I was a good student but to have a Spine- chilling…Bull Dog of a Math teacher is always a bad idea… I passed the exam but it left a scar and left me all most an idiot in Mathematics for a long time to come.

Coming back to Boards and our kids ….pressure continues … our expectations have sky rocketed now that we are parents. Kids are smarter today , they get more marks , they’ve got everything going  for them. But sadly what hasn’t changed is the fear, a companion which doesn’t leave their side ever … .what if I fail , what if I don’t do well enough for getting into that coveted college ….. and what if’s continue. Plus living with time bombs … us parents, hanging there with our kids …. silently praying for them to be at the top.

Are we passing the anxiety and adding to the vowes of our children? …. but, if we give them a finger , they happily grab our arm right! So better is to keep the pressure cooker on the stove, only letting the whistle release the steam a little at a time.

Some lines from 3 IDIOTS which resonate with us still …. even when we know better that…..the twelfth boards isn’t the worst cliff hanger of their lives…. there is more to come and much worse. AND LIFE DOES GOES ON in either scenarios!

“Remember – Life is a race. If you don’t run fast enough, someone will overtake you and move faster.” – Virus.( now we don’t agree with that on paper but ……….?)

“Never study to be successful, study for self efficiency. Don’t run behind success. Follow behind excellence, success will come all way behind you.” – Rancho.( that’s true right …but aren’t we parents forgetting this at this crucial time in our kids lives? )

“But you be whatever your heart tells you to. And if he scares you too much. Keep a hand over your heart and say, “AAL IZZ WELL!” – Rancho.

ALL IZZ WELL PARENTS, ALL SHALL BE WELL !

Just hang in there KIDS, keep releasing your steam and keep working hard … .and keep that fear in check..that is A Giant Monster.. the biggest roadblock!

KEEP IT IN CHECK PARENTS , Don’t let your kids snap….not now … when you or them can’t afford it at all  !

Our children should be in the driving  seats AND not us in their College Admission Process!

College Admissions time is a pretty stressful period for parents everywhere…. I guess in all the 196 countries in this world. But “our whole family is involved” phenomena in this stress taking and stress giving process… is something that is more prevalent in developing countries.Parents are parents everywhere, they wish for the best for their children and in many western countries they feel their children’s best is best known to their children than the parents.  This doesn’t happen in India,in some cases we parents work hard to give enough stimulating experiences to our kids to find their passions. Then we sit back and let them take their own decisions in what they want to become or do in their adult lives. But other times we work a little too hard for our kids and take decisions for them,for their future with or without their consent and sometimes force, brain wash or manipulate our kids to do what we think is right, push them to a career path that presents a decent and safe job option for future.

I am an Indian parent who belongs to the first category. My daughter and not me I guess is the right person to authenticate or rubbish this notion. It is stressful for sure I am writing this post to talk about the anxiety of uncertainty we parents and kids feel during the admissions process. Also to help other parents understand that there is a whole lot needed for our children’s succeeding in getting admissions to good colleges. Having said that I also have a firm belief that only getting the admission into a good happening college doesn’t guarantee success and happiness forever.  Now that my daughter’s admission is done, my realisation is that inspite of  all that stress, it is and it always will be worth to take this journey with our children. But with a reminder that this has to be their journeyin which our children are in the driving  seats, not us.

One downand one to go …I am one experienced parent Hahahaha…some beautiful grey hair I have now. The amount of research I did and the knowledge that I have gained of the admission process funnily makes me I think I can easily take away the jobs of some career counsellors for sure, Counsellors who are earning a hefty amount selling dreams to our children and making the parents pay a huge price for their aspirations.

The college admission process …for foreign colleges starts an year or two in advance and depending on the countries and colleges being applied to includes maintaining a good  academic record , SAT /ACT self study or taking coaching classes for the tests , doing community service projects and  internships, writing meaningful statements of purpose and tons of essays, sports and extra curricular involvement in school and outside etc all done hopefully not just for the sake of admissions in the best colleges but also for building an interesting and worthwhile  life beyond school.

For Indian colleges the process starts many years in advancestudying in the coaching centres for IIT, law, design, architecture, entrances exams for many other fields and off course working really really hard to get marks in 90’s to stay on the top of college cut offs.In Indian Colleges context , we are just too many people, too many children studying …too much unjustified reservation, very few good colleges and thousands of students eying the limited seats. Some upsets in some cases were unexplainable, some admissions or lack of entry due to them not meeting their cutoff remains questionable.

Foreign College Admissions were a similar story. Children had a few hits and misses there too…again in some cases for reasons unknown. At these colleges the portfolios, SOP’s and essays counted big time, along with community service projects and internships. In some cases portfolios and essays were not student’s own work but were outsourced. And unfortunately for the deserving …some admission officers in foreign universities were successfully  fooled by the fakers. Thankfully unlike India many foreign universities give unconditional offers that gave a breather to the smart students and a way out to some who didn’t do very well and also to the ones who did very well but not well enough for DU and the other coveted colleges in India.

This year’s admissions are done, sealed envelopes have been opened and uncertainty is over. But now that the results are out, I am wondering if we really got it right. Looking at the present scenario around me,I am not sure if the best students got the best possible options …colleges suiting their calibre, aptitude and the right fit for them. All in all I don’t know if they got the courses they wanted or not but they got their closure, a reward for keeping their best foot forward and also for not so best maybe.

Hoping some of us ……completely involved parents …..whose kids got their dream and reach colleges …will let them be from here on!

Hoping some of us ….who found little time for aiding our kids with motivation and guidance during the process …will hand hold now and not get into a blame game!

Hoping some of us…who did both….giving guidance and space to our kids and still had more misses than hits, can let go of past and move forward. Because the marks or the admissions to best colleges and doing it right as per the standards is sometimes not what is best for our children,maybe they have some lessons left to learn or maybe the time isn’t right yet or maybe their destinies are bound somewhere else, maybe the path they took wasn’t theirs at all , maybe they are the next Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerbergs of the world who had to quit somewhere to shine somewhere else!