Parents ….Keep releasing the steam from the Pressure Cooker! Let it whistle!

Remembering 3 idiots today in wake of my son’s approaching Board Examinations – THE BIG ONES, the biggest ones!

Sitting in my cozy chair, sipping a lovely cup of tea, I can’t help but go back in time….. reminiscing my tenth board examinations( they were the big ones in our times)….Seeing myself as a scared,  ready to give up girl, shivering by the thought of my next paper MATH. Oh my God , all those anxieties, I can still feel fear rushing in my veins like wild fire and almost killing me ….burning me with zillion scary thoughts …..I will probably fail,what if I fail , what if I don’t make it. Don’t get me wrong , I was a good student but to have a Spine- chilling…Bull Dog of a Math teacher is always a bad idea… I passed the exam but it left a scar and left me all most an idiot in Mathematics for a long time to come.

Coming back to Boards and our kids ….pressure continues … our expectations have sky rocketed now that we are parents. Kids are smarter today , they get more marks , they’ve got everything going  for them. But sadly what hasn’t changed is the fear, a companion which doesn’t leave their side ever … .what if I fail , what if I don’t do well enough for getting into that coveted college ….. and what if’s continue. Plus living with time bombs … us parents, hanging there with our kids …. silently praying for them to be at the top.

Are we passing the anxiety and adding to the vowes of our children? …. but, if we give them a finger , they happily grab our arm right! So better is to keep the pressure cooker on the stove, only letting the whistle release the steam a little at a time.

Some lines from 3 IDIOTS which resonate with us still …. even when we know better that…..the twelfth boards isn’t the worst cliff hanger of their lives…. there is more to come and much worse. AND LIFE DOES GOES ON in either scenarios!

“Remember – Life is a race. If you don’t run fast enough, someone will overtake you and move faster.” – Virus.( now we don’t agree with that on paper but ……….?)

“Never study to be successful, study for self efficiency. Don’t run behind success. Follow behind excellence, success will come all way behind you.” – Rancho.( that’s true right …but aren’t we parents forgetting this at this crucial time in our kids lives? )

“But you be whatever your heart tells you to. And if he scares you too much. Keep a hand over your heart and say, “AAL IZZ WELL!” – Rancho.

ALL IZZ WELL PARENTS, ALL SHALL BE WELL !

Just hang in there KIDS, keep releasing your steam and keep working hard … .and keep that fear in check..that is A Giant Monster.. the biggest roadblock!

KEEP IT IN CHECK PARENTS , Don’t let your kids snap….not now … when you or them can’t afford it at all  !

Have our children found their Element?

Element as described by Sir Ken Robinson is the place where the things we love to do and the things we are good at come together. He believes it is essential that each of us find his or her Element. It is a place that can turn our underachievers, our kids  into happy warriors.

So who is Ken Robinson?And what is his mention doing in a parenting blog?

Ken Robinson is a TED Speaker who also writes brilliantly about the different ways in which creativity is undervalued and ignored especially in our educational systems. A problem that we all are facing with our growing children…. schools aren’t encouraging them to find their passion,  we parents have no idea what makes them tick ….and they in turn are unable to find their element. And a whole lot of them in senior years seem lost, standing on the crossroads , trying to choose the right subjects and start the conversations with counsellors on where they want to go and what they want to do in their careers, in their lives from here on.

It requires hard work on us parent’s part to open the dialogue much earlier, even when they are babies,  about who they are? What are their passions? Their talents? …. and if  academics doesn’t excite them….. they don’t have to take the traditional route because the world has changed and the most important ingredient  in the recipe of success is putting all our passion into our work and finding our Element.

It is  one of the most important job for us parents to provide opportunities, channelise, debate and question our children regularly and encourage them to find out who they are , where they would want to go, what is it that keeps them up in the night, what is it they can’t stop thinking about….( disregarding off course the fact our children can all stay up all night long on the snapchat, social media and the internet fever doesn’t for sure qualify  all of them to become software engineers, Ha Ha Ha).

We parents should never underestimate the importance of helping our children find early in their lives -the kind of work that for them will always be or mostly be play. All our children need …is…..to be allowed to be who they really are!

I have tried , tried hard to keep the dialogue open, encouraged my kids to think on their own, sometimes egged them towards things I thought they had passion for, other times let them drop out of activities that they were clearly doing out of compulsion. It’s worked as I feel they seemed to have found their element( for the time being at least. What they’ll do in future is not known, but they seem to have found the way to their heart and they look like happy warriors (with some occasional doubts for sure).And that’s okay because we humans  won’t be so humanly if we didn’t complain when the going gets tough).

It seems my children are on the right path and a mother’s heart can only wish for them to keep following their dreams, their passions and that they are able to find their own special place where the things they  love to do and the things they are good at will hopefully come together for them ….Always or Most Often at least!

Genuine Emotions make me go weak in my knees!

The most genuine emotions, the universal love all parents feel for their children, the blessings and quotes moms and some dads write for their children , posts celebrating their love for their bundles of  joy…..makes me go weak in my knees, Always!Most touching and closest to the truth are posts where parents are wishing their kids on their birthday, mothers day celebrations, wishing them well for their new term at college, people sending them away faraway with promise to love them more when they return on holidays. The moms and dads become awesome poets and amazing photographers when it comes to them expressing their love for the apples of their eyes. Social Media is losing it’s charm for me but an occasional scroll and seeing such creative posts celebrating parental love is still a must. Just like me , I feel it keeps a lot of people going, because amidst the chaos, ever growing global problems and saddening news, celebrations and love that people pour in their posts for loved ones ……elevates our mood. Hope,  that love will and can conquer all is heart warming.

Social media has been cursed for encouraging pretentious lives and  helping in false projections of always happening lives.But it has also given us a wonderful chance to see our friend’s kids and their parenting life from close quarters. And it’s fun watching people you knew as kids themselves, who you played Chupen Chupayi with and took your college degrees with, have beautiful children …….children your friends swoon over just like you!

Loving it , it’s a bright day again, another day to do more , another day to feel and give love!

Video Calling and Skype Tussi Great Ho!

I have been absconding, I know, deliberately trying to keep away from pouring my heart on paper. But this was essential, the break I mean. Sending a part of my heart out to another continent, a far off land……. wasn’t easy. So many emotions kept clogging my mind in the months that followed, a sense of worry never left me for a minute in those dreadful days. BUT,I didn’t want to record the pain of detachment, the worries, and also because a very dear friend showed me the other side,someone who had been there,done that. She banned me from writing sad stuff and how my heart was exploding and how I am not letting go. She reminded me that , those words I put out in the open are also reaching my daughter.  I knew that this transition from being the apple of our eyes to being responsible for everything herself …kind of person …..is tougher for her. She is the one who is alone in a new, scary world whereas I am right here… where I was………still  around the familiar.

Anyways back I am a few months later as a new me, who has been there and done that. I have emerged stronger like many before me and many after me will be. Enjoying the growth I see in her, her work , her new relationships , her empty laundry basket , her bed all made up and her kitchen looking lovely with home cooked food. Video calling and Skype Tussi Great Ho, because I am connected and lucky to see her transition into an independent and a very capable girl. Someone who amazes me with her resilience and her courage to keep going on..in such a competitive environment, always trying her hardest and pushing her boundaries with each passing month.

Distance works and distance doesn’t sometimes. Sometimes when she’ s had a bad day , I have to work with just the emoji’s , A real hug and kiss would work better but …….that isn’t an option anymore. All I can do is keep my mom radar always up…picking up pain, fun, frustration, tiredness, irritation and also funnily hunger sometimes in her voice and  look over the phone. And then try my best to say the right thing, reminding her to take her vitamins if she looks too tired, asking her to  keep going on- when things are tough, edging her to vent her frustrations, make a chore chart if the assignment deadlines are overwhelming her, telling her to eat out if she has too much work as cooking at home would mean….cleaning the sink full of dirty dishes too.The mom radar makes me judge well …when is it that she needs a love note or an encouraging post, an inspiring quote or her cute poses in childhood sibling pictures or fun videos of love of her life, our dog Spenny.

We moms have a great intuitive strength and our Mom Radar works perfectly if we remain connected. Easy and cheap ways to connect are blessings that have given us this chance to see our children grow into their own independent selfs. We are living in good times. Thanks Robert E. Kahn and Vint Cerf for inventing the internet and all the others who made Video calling  , Skype and smart phones possible We moms owe you all big time!