What I love the most about writing and expressing here in this space is that it makes me feel that I have a special comradeship with the other parents. The comments on the blog are so touching and reassuring, they surprise me sometimes ….amazing how so many minds can think alike, hearts feel alike and can connect so beautifully. I can't think of any other kind of group of people but parents who have the same vulnerabilities, similar self doubts , similar pains and heartaches and moments of ecstasy through their individual journeys. Aren't we the most cohesive group , gang , crew , actually the right word that I was looking for ..is a tribe ). Aren't we the most cohesive tribe , we have all the same rules for our children, we all love them the same way, all our hearts are walking out of our bodies and in their bodies, we all have same parenting hits and misses and we are on the same roller coaster , where the journey has its hick ups and also it's most exciting rushes.
A friend recently commented on how she wished there was an instructional manual for doing it right and raise kids well. And that's another thing we , our children's parents, our friends who are parents and our own parents have been wishing alike forever. To quote from what she said ," it's such a tight rope walk …don't know when to hold and when to let go of our children's hands, the constant worry if they have imbibed the value system and morals well, will they say "no" when they should and have the guts to stand by their decisions when they are right .So many Parenting Dilemmas ".
It is surely a tight rope walk … That also which is perched on the highest tree , from where there is no turning around … But the only way is to zip line from one tree or stage to another because for going back they is no staircase , you have to still go hanging ….so isn't it better to keep marking and counting all the way forward and keep giving ourselves a pat on our backs when we reach the next tree and the next tree and the next……for a job completed on every stage …some well done and some not so well done too.
We don't judge ourselves more harshly in any other role that we play in our lives, but as parents we worry and worry and are forever finding faults in our upbringing and parenting when our children slip. We also sometimes are the fastest to feel happily responsible for the accolades our children get. And though we are nobody to comment on anybody else's parenting style , I feel the ones who are looking in wards to see where they could correct themselves to change their children's behaviour , I like more, because they seem to be more in my tribe . But again ..beyond giving our children love , lots of it, a secure home, not much drama, a stimulating environment and an example in our own lives lived with a strong value system and morals ….. What else can we do ? What else any parent can do?
We can only let our children be ….and let them falter and let them fall and we can't live their lives for them. Instead we can just keep reminding them that we have their backs forever … And they should have the confidence to tell us anything… And share their every bad decision as well because we remember , we had our share of many of our own such decisions and have a few skeletons in our bags too… And are thankful that our parents kept themselves close but seldom poked on those bags too hard ….instead they kept filling them with love and kept giving us the shoulder to lean on and a lap to sleep in and kept wiping our tears . And that helped us to learn how good decisions are taken and how life goes on after every bad one too..that is if we are willing to learn from our mistakes. … And stand back up.
I am blessed to have this wonderful feeling of belonging that I have with my tribe. A tribe of parents who will always have self doubts and similar Parenting Dilemmas but who are also always together on this thrilling roller coaster ride of our lives.
Cheers to Our Tribe,
Cheers to Our Parenting Hits and Misses,
Cheers to Our children who came in our lives and who gave us this opportunity to make our own tribe.
And Cheers to Our parents, mentors and gurus who keep our bags full of love always!