Does Experience battle youth in your house too?

Remembering the times when as a teen , young adult and a new mom, I used to hear older people talk about how they know better because of the sheer number of years they had lived more than me. It used to infuriate me a little too much. What can a young person say in defence to someone’s grey hair ?

While growing up, my home used to turn into a battle ground sometimes. Voice of youth is shriller, more arrogant and supposedly more surer. So whenever there was an argument -there was only one winner and that was me. Looking back I realise, my parents didn’t seem to want to win the battles , instead always had a smile on their faces and calm in their eyes. I DIDN’T REALISE then that they always had an upper hand in our arguments because they unlike me had experienced youth and crossed over to another stage of life.

Got thinking about this today after so long and God am I amused? With many grey strands desperately trying to peep out, I am not young anymore. How much ever we middle aged people tell ourselves that age is just a number… we are getting older. Our society teaches us to compare often and use positive or negative adjectives like young is great,old is not, fat is bad and thin is good. But I am old and insist I am good too.

Why the philosophical rant today? I am here at my son’s college..came to settle him in his apartment. Second year college, he has settled well, found the balance and all is going good. He and me have come a long way in understanding how futile our arguments were an year ago. The battle of experience and youth has come to a consensus… it’s a tie as we both have what the other doesn’t. And nothing is more important than the other.

Last year was full of anxiety as my experienced self knew this won’t be easy but my young adult had confidence in his youth. I remember after endlessly ranting a very long list of advice and instructions, my son asked me this, ” How can you say all this will be a problem and what I should do or not do, if you have never studied in America, away from home in this particular university?” I stopped dead in my tracks and shook myself up to the reality of what he said to me. Because what he said was true, but what was also true that experience told me to keep quiet and stay close emotionally because something that young people think is easy peasy… is the one that makes them learn nothing can’t be taken for granted. AND THEN THEY UNDERSTAND WHAT EXPERIENCE MEANS AND HOW IT HELPS.

Second year and I am back here again, looking at many anxious parents giving a long list of instructions and telling their experiences to their freshmen and freshwomen here. Me & my Son, we are looking around and finding it difficult to dig our smiles because we know their battles have just begun and ours are almost over.

I understand now that my experience knows a little better but not everything as circumstances, places and ideas are all different in this new world. Also since my son is born in a different era, my experience cannot help as much as I thought. He has to make his own experiences count. And I accept that I don’t know more because I am older.

He understands that just confidence doesn’t do it, it’s the insights he carries forward of both good and not so good experiences that matter. And Mom is sometimes right if not all the time in a few points on that old instruction list she ranted millions of times.

With Love from a Middle Age Mom, who is happily growing old, BECAUSE OLD IS GOOD- no exams , no running , no self consciousness, no proving to someone my worth anymore and yes loads and loads of experience!

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Kids can learn through Play whatever we dare to teach them!

“If you love your books, you tenderly put them together and then you just as tenderly find the right bookends for them”Charles Gruber , a book lover rightly said. Encourage your children to read and fall in love with books.

❤️Invest in a library, a corner or a roomfull or/ and beautiful bookends for your little ones table. However large or small space you allocate in your home for books, it must be a must.

❤️Select a few books every week with them and organise them in book organisers for easy reach.

❤️Encourage your chidlren to read more and more and tenderly put them away when finished in their designated space or bookends . Encourage them to read , to take care of their books , to organise their belongings , to do goal setting however small it might be.

❤️ Four books or seven in a week, make your kids set a goal. Make sure you do your goal setting too and you read too. Kids don’t read because they don’t want to, but because they don’t see you read.

Kids can learn through Play whatever we dare to teach them.Teach them to organsie their books, read regularly and take care of their books. Sometimes, you don’t need an entire wall of books to express you love books or define who you and your child are. A few bookends where you could change the books to be read in a week or month can also become your library. Make sure you have atleat one corner in a your home, which has books. Our website store www. lilsakos.com has many playful bookends for your little readers. Check the pictures in the gallery below. The pictures at the end of the gallery are of Mahir & Dr. Pooja Srivastava Dewan who is an amazing conscious mom for who reading to her son daily is the most sacred activity of the day. The Eiffel Tower bookend she bought has another story which is worth a read. Read her testimonial at the end of the gallery.

Saakshi Kapoor Singla

https://www.lilsakos.com/collection/playful-animal-bookends

 

Pick Ups & Drops are not wasted efforts!

Not all parents have the privilege of having their own vehicle for pick ups and drops for their children. Not all parents even when they have the privilege, want to do the mundane job. Many children are fortunate enough to travel in school buses and get a break from their moms questioning sessions after each school day. The others are ferried in their own cars with their house help and drivers.Some of them are happier because their didi’s and bhaiya’s are like their family members, old and trusted people who dote on them. The others not so fortunate as their drivers and didi’s faces are ever changing,  who are many a times just doing a job , well done or not. Most of them have their eyes glued to their phones instead of the kids in their care, some smoking their lungs off and others enjoying some not so nice jokes with their fellows in the queue. No judgement really, but some of them look too scary to entrust our precious children with.

Being a mom who has  been there , outside in the kids collection queue for most of the last sixteen years, I have seen it all. Sometimes it has been tough and limiting and not easy to juggle work as per the pickup drop schedules of my children from school ,classes , birthdays etc. But all in all it’s been a pleasure…one because I like driving and secondly being there with them during these car rides has been the easiest and sure shot way to connect with them. It has not always been pleasant though. Sometimes I’ve hovered too much, other times the kids have been not so polite.I have had my share of some very bad days, when I have cribbed and cribbed and the trips have not always been happy. Many car rides over the years have also ended up in big fights, tears, rage and extreme emotional outbursts from both sides. My love for doing it everyday doesn’t automatically mean, my kids must have enjoyed them forever too. Being ticked off for many reasons like untied shoe laces, ruffled hair, homework questions include some not so pleasant car prison like memories.

My car has been where the most meaningful conversations with the kids have happened over the years. It’s here, where none of us have had an option out….nowhere to run , or hide from each other. With two young adults , one who is ready to fly and has finished school and the other having just an year to go. Life has been good, as we are happily bonding and are not in each others hair or critical of each other anymore.Loads of teachable  moments thereafter with me doling out life lessons and advice in earlier days of my parenting , car rides with them have now become just pure fun connecting time. My car companions have taught me a lot too. I am happy about being ticked off for skipping a red light or being caught for being condescending in my discussions  by my very independent thinking children. From discussing news, ideas ,relationships, family ties,  ted talks to daily detours to get our favourite ice creams on the way back home …its been all worth it ! And I will miss it big time soon!

( Re posting the above article from 2016, reminiscing …. after hearing from a mom who said she can not make it for our event ,” because that’s my pick up time for my girl “.

I am now a mom of college going kids , studying far far away and yes i do miss all those pick ups and drops and terribly so !

Saakshi Kapoor Singla

Obsessions are good!

“My kids love dinosaurs! Actually they are obsessed, really  really obsessed and  they know all the dinosaur types and names”, said a Mom who loved dinosaurs too, a long long time ago!

“My daughter has an obsession for cars. She loves to collect toy cars and park them in various places in the house, some times those places are under our feet and a whole lot of household members are tripping on them always”, said another mom who is amazed at her daughter’s knowledge about different kinds of cars!

Child Development experts call obsessions like these a “Deep Intense Interest”. We educationists don’t know exactly what sparks these interests and parents often can’t think of the exact moment or event that kicked off this interest — but a lot of  children have one at some point, between the ages of two and six and for some the interest lasts further into childhood. Studies in this field have shown that the most common interests  that children show at early age is in vehicles like planes, trains, cars, action figures, super heroes, machines,  live animals, balls and dinosaurs.

For many of them, these obsessions are their first taste of mastery. They love being an expert. To have a deeper understanding of something their parent doesn’t know enough about, is awesome for them.  It makes them feel like a boss and very powerful. Kelli Chen, a known paediatric psychiatric occupational therapist is of the opinion that these deep interests and obsessions are a big confidence booster for children and help in children’s cognitive development. Many studies in this area point out that these sustained obsessions help them to develop persistence skills and result in increased knowledge,  a longer attention span and much deeper information-processing skills. In nutshell they make intense learners pretty smart and bright.  Decades of research suggest that older children with these so called obsessions and intense interests tend to be of above-average intelligence.

So let your kids develop intense interests and don’t worry about their obsessions. Encourage their need to learn more and more about their favourite topic. Help stimulate their brains by getting them books on the topic and surround their environment with things that can help them in sustaining these obsessions to learn for a long long time.

I love Dinosaurs even now,  It is one of my few intense interest obsessions that stuck right into adulthood.

Check some dinosaur themed products in available on our store!

https://www.lilsakos.com/style-story/little-dinosaur-lovers

Much Love from a Mom who has some of her own intense obsessions !

Saakshi Kapoor Singla

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Kid photo created by freepik – www.freepik.com

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Is your home stimulating ENOUGH for your kids?

Environment matters, what we say to our children matters, how we live our lives matters, how stimulating is our house for our kids matters. Everything matters …especially what we do ourselves matters …..as kids learn not so much by what we say to them but more by seeing us and what we do …they learn by imitation.

So if we read , they read. If we listen to music , they grow up into people appreciating music. We spend our time in creative pursuits , they become creative. We invest in books and are seen reading , they read. We buy things and games which stimulate , they get stimulated . We enjoy going to museums , they will take their kids to museums too.

Our homes are a Petri dish of creativity. More creative we are with how we as parents make our kids spaces meaningful and add meaningful art, games, books & stimulating decor, the more we help in our children’s unconscious and incidental learning. Lets keep giving our kids an environment that inspires and motivates and fill our home with things that matter. Check out our website http://www.lilsakos.com and instagram
ttps://www.instagram.com/lilsakos/  for stimulating products made with lots and lots of love for your precious little ones!

Time flies I am telling you …. I have been there, Time flew fast and so did my kids. Make it Count Moms & Dads. Make your Home Environment Stimulating!

Saakshi Kapoor Singla

For The Mothers of Pulwama Martyrs

Life is unpredictable, they say!
But lives taken away so soon and for what?
By a suicide bomber, who must have been a dead man walking for some time for sure!
Actioned by people whose hearts have been dead for years…brainwashing others to die and kill ….Why God Why?

With you, we are Pulwama Mothers in your grief but we don’t have an answer for you?
Why you , why your kids , why them …when all they do, is stay far away from their homes with danger lurking around them forever …… to keep us safe so that we can look after our own kids day in and day out.

The explosion left almost nothing in one piece is what the reports are saying. When your children wrapped in our Tiranga will reach back home tomorrow ….they might be unidentifiable and heartbreaking feeling of loss will unveil for you again… Why God Why?

Saluting you and your brave kids, Mothers of Pulwama Martyrs.
Wish we had the courage to send our own to the front line!